Funny Quotes About Women

• "As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied." - Oscar Wilde
• "One of the reasons I don't see eye to eye with Women's Lib is that women have it all on a plate if only they knew it. They don't have to be pretty either." - Charlotte Rampling
• "When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands." - HL Mencken.
• "When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs." - Friedrich Nietzsche
• "Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property." - Napoleon Bonaparte
• "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." - Aristotle Onassis
• "Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" - Rita Rudner
• "Most women are not as young as they are painted." - Max Beerbohm
• "When women go wrong, men go right after them." - Mae West
• "Women are nothing but machines for producing children." - Napoleon Bonaparte
• "An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie
• "Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one." - WC Fields
• "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good? Luckily, this is not difficult." - Charlotte Whitton
• "Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself." - Roseanne Barr
• "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - That's because she changes it more often." - Oliver Hereford
• "My wife is the sort of woman who gives necrophilia a bad name." - Patrick Murray
• "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." - Mark Twain.
• "As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment." - Jay Leno
• "Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car." - Will Durst
• Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." - Mark Twain
• "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?" - Sigmund Freud
• "When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?" - Edith Evans
• "Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'." - Jeffrey Bernard
• "No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing." -Seymour Hicks
• "When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, 'Do what you like now'." - Leo Tolstoy
• "Women are an alien race set down among us." - John Updike